I keep telling myself for every season God has a reason! I will get through this, the TRUTH will come out, you can only cry wolf so many times before you have no one.
I am officially done with everything. I need a good cry, scream, and hug from Jesus! He's the only one at this moment I feel comfort with.
When you lie to me you lie to Jesus! I need to get this off my chest!
For every season God has a reason!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 8, 2012
You think know me
This post is the start of something new. I have always loved writing but was not (still I am not) good with releasing my feelings most of the time because I have an extremely hard time trusting anyone...unless your name is Jesus! He knows my heart and soul and every ache and pain that has been going on lately but, he also knows the amazing news I just received from work that I will be finding clarification on, on Monday!
My grammar and sentence skills may not always be the best when I start to write because I just will write out my feelings like I have taken one long breath and it all came out! I feel like that is how you will get to know me.
I've started really praying about how close I am to a Proverbs 31 woman! I love that there is a semi standard what I need to work on in order to be that Godly wife one day, I don't want to focus on a man that is not yet here, I want to focus on me who is here and who needs work. I am being molded into something new everyday and I just LOVE where I am going!
I often see these amazing young ladies writing like crazy and making more sense then none at all and wonder, will my writing be that way? While getting ready for bed last night it hit me, in order to work with children like I do I need to have a passion for it and a patience for it. How can I expect to just write when I have nothing to say that is worth sharing, then it hit me, the thing I have changed this blog to, me, my family, there is no other like us, we have this special bond of family that I rarely see and when I see it, it helps me to see that I was not the only one raised right! :)
Lately, I have been pushed to the limit with letting someone in, I chose not to let them in because something was not right. When I was growing up my parents, Dad especially would say when we went out with our friends, "Now I want you to know that if you are doing something wrong God/Jesus will tell me and I will come find you and you will be in trouble" Now growing up in the Godly household I did, I knew God/Jesus would tell my Daddy I was doing something wrong, so I never really did anything because I was that afraid of Jesus and my Daddy to find me and say something, I would watch every where waiting for my Dad to pop out of the bushes or something (baha) The thing that made it even more terrifying was that when my sister did something wrong, Daddy was right there busting her because Jesus told him where she was! I was like HECK no I will obey the rules ALWAYS!
Anyways, this is the first post to my new beginning of the blogging world I have to say, my next post will be titled, "But you don't really, "Know" me"
It hit me in Choir prayer Sunday morning, I have reached a new peak that I am wanting to explore and share and this my friends will be worth reading!
Being Molded by him,
Tella
My grammar and sentence skills may not always be the best when I start to write because I just will write out my feelings like I have taken one long breath and it all came out! I feel like that is how you will get to know me.
I've started really praying about how close I am to a Proverbs 31 woman! I love that there is a semi standard what I need to work on in order to be that Godly wife one day, I don't want to focus on a man that is not yet here, I want to focus on me who is here and who needs work. I am being molded into something new everyday and I just LOVE where I am going!
I often see these amazing young ladies writing like crazy and making more sense then none at all and wonder, will my writing be that way? While getting ready for bed last night it hit me, in order to work with children like I do I need to have a passion for it and a patience for it. How can I expect to just write when I have nothing to say that is worth sharing, then it hit me, the thing I have changed this blog to, me, my family, there is no other like us, we have this special bond of family that I rarely see and when I see it, it helps me to see that I was not the only one raised right! :)
Lately, I have been pushed to the limit with letting someone in, I chose not to let them in because something was not right. When I was growing up my parents, Dad especially would say when we went out with our friends, "Now I want you to know that if you are doing something wrong God/Jesus will tell me and I will come find you and you will be in trouble" Now growing up in the Godly household I did, I knew God/Jesus would tell my Daddy I was doing something wrong, so I never really did anything because I was that afraid of Jesus and my Daddy to find me and say something, I would watch every where waiting for my Dad to pop out of the bushes or something (baha) The thing that made it even more terrifying was that when my sister did something wrong, Daddy was right there busting her because Jesus told him where she was! I was like HECK no I will obey the rules ALWAYS!
Anyways, this is the first post to my new beginning of the blogging world I have to say, my next post will be titled, "But you don't really, "Know" me"
It hit me in Choir prayer Sunday morning, I have reached a new peak that I am wanting to explore and share and this my friends will be worth reading!
Being Molded by him,
Tella
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Fulfillment
This post will be saved for a future topic that is going to come tonight. I must get my thoughts together but finally I have something to write.
Chantella
Chantella
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Peacefully Praying
I just have a few thoughts running through my head that I did not want to share with FB.
My cousin passed away yesterday...we went to the hospital and the coroner came and picked her up. How on earth do you react to a situation when you know everything is alright.
I feel like my body is numb with emotion. I am emotionless because we don't talk with the family. First off we left "The Church" my Uncle Pastored when I was like maybe 10 or 12 we pretty much I feel got shunned from the "Family" so when we went to the hospital I was expecting a freak out of, "why are you here you're not a part of the family" sort of thing. luckily that did not happen. We embraced everyone and hugged everyone with love and comfort. My aunt, the one I have always felt still loves us, even though we made the move to get to where we are today. She is the one who lost her daughter, it was like Pastor Bagwell says, you can always tell who is really saved and at peace with the sitaution and you could so tell.
When we were there my dad gave my auntie some comforting words about how she was up in heaven. She died in her sleep, the hours before her death were as follows, she woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air, when the ambulance came she had little to no heartbeat and they were able to revive her for a short time. She had a heart attack that early morning, that afternoon another heart attack and a short time late brain dead. A half an hour after that gone with the wind. We found out that later she had quit and given up drinking cold turkey, so in that time, my family and I believe that she had then decided I need to get my life together and given her life back to Jesus. Jesus knowing what she was surrounded by and what she could potentially go back to doing said, "My leigh it's your time, to come with me whole, you gave your life back to me and now we will walk in peace together" having that comfort to share with my cousins who lost their sister is a peaceful heartfelt time.
I love my family despite what they have or have not done. We are still a part of his generation and I love them like Jesus loves them. I won't let the past get in the way. The toughest thing about this is celebrating my 22nd birthday. I will still celebrate and be joyous of what is to come but, I don't want anyone to think I'm cold hearted either. Praisin him in this strange place, and still having his comfort with me.
I want to ask one thing, Prayer.
Not just for my family in this time of grief
but this time where we need strength to get us
through this rough patch of awkward family.
We need to go into the services knowing what to say
how to say it, and not make this a big deal where the
5 Luceros have come.
We need strength that if something arises we can back away and leave
and not make a scene of what a life we will celebrate, what a great decision
Leigh made for her life, and her sons and daughter, and her grandbabies.
Peacefully Praying
My cousin passed away yesterday...we went to the hospital and the coroner came and picked her up. How on earth do you react to a situation when you know everything is alright.
I feel like my body is numb with emotion. I am emotionless because we don't talk with the family. First off we left "The Church" my Uncle Pastored when I was like maybe 10 or 12 we pretty much I feel got shunned from the "Family" so when we went to the hospital I was expecting a freak out of, "why are you here you're not a part of the family" sort of thing. luckily that did not happen. We embraced everyone and hugged everyone with love and comfort. My aunt, the one I have always felt still loves us, even though we made the move to get to where we are today. She is the one who lost her daughter, it was like Pastor Bagwell says, you can always tell who is really saved and at peace with the sitaution and you could so tell.
When we were there my dad gave my auntie some comforting words about how she was up in heaven. She died in her sleep, the hours before her death were as follows, she woke up in the middle of the night gasping for air, when the ambulance came she had little to no heartbeat and they were able to revive her for a short time. She had a heart attack that early morning, that afternoon another heart attack and a short time late brain dead. A half an hour after that gone with the wind. We found out that later she had quit and given up drinking cold turkey, so in that time, my family and I believe that she had then decided I need to get my life together and given her life back to Jesus. Jesus knowing what she was surrounded by and what she could potentially go back to doing said, "My leigh it's your time, to come with me whole, you gave your life back to me and now we will walk in peace together" having that comfort to share with my cousins who lost their sister is a peaceful heartfelt time.
I love my family despite what they have or have not done. We are still a part of his generation and I love them like Jesus loves them. I won't let the past get in the way. The toughest thing about this is celebrating my 22nd birthday. I will still celebrate and be joyous of what is to come but, I don't want anyone to think I'm cold hearted either. Praisin him in this strange place, and still having his comfort with me.
I want to ask one thing, Prayer.
Not just for my family in this time of grief
but this time where we need strength to get us
through this rough patch of awkward family.
We need to go into the services knowing what to say
how to say it, and not make this a big deal where the
5 Luceros have come.
We need strength that if something arises we can back away and leave
and not make a scene of what a life we will celebrate, what a great decision
Leigh made for her life, and her sons and daughter, and her grandbabies.
Peacefully Praying
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Think, Think, Think...Like Winnie The Pooh
Ever been completely annoyed with the way people use their lives for worthless elements that really don't help them get anywhere fast?
![]()
Ever wanted to walk up to someone and slap them because they're so rude they need an awakening to how their cocky life-style will get them in trouble one day?
Ever wonder what girls think and then think wow I am so glad I don't live life like they do?
Ever think, "If I could be a guy for just one day...what would I do with my time?"
Ever sit and ponder, "wow when I am done with school I'll be here, here, and there?"
Ever swing on a swing envisioning the future with that one special someone that is your other half, your better half, the one that evens you out in all things humanly possible?
Ever look at your stomach and think, "One day I'm going to have a baby, or two, or three, or in my case four, growing in my tummy that I will have to take care of??"
![]()
![]()
.....the biggest thing is......
Ever wonder what girls think and then think wow I am so glad I don't live life like they do?
Ever think, "If I could be a guy for just one day...what would I do with my time?"
Ever sit and ponder, "wow when I am done with school I'll be here, here, and there?"
Ever swing on a swing envisioning the future with that one special someone that is your other half, your better half, the one that evens you out in all things humanly possible?
Ever look at your stomach and think, "One day I'm going to have a baby, or two, or three, or in my case four, growing in my tummy that I will have to take care of??"
Ever think, "One day Jesus will come...will I be ready, will I be prepared to tell him everything I did and everything I have done and he will be the one left to judge?"
I have...
......I have thought of these things more often now than ever before.....I sit and think and wonder and then I pray and I let all those thoughts be released to Jesus because one day, some day, my time will come and I will know what it feels like to have answers......
........answers to 90% of those questions......
.....the biggest thing is...... ..........I know, "I am who God says I am" and I will be triumphant in everything I do.
.............I am blessed............
.........I am thankful........
Peacefully Pondering,
ME
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I've got this feeling, down deep in my soul!
 |
| *Beauty* |
A happy Hallelujah to ya! Oh man have I been in a mood lately! I'm not sure what's going to happen but, it's so going to happen! I have been on such a roller coaster with life and it has felt like a whirlwind of crazy lazy hyper radical days! First off a lot of these crazy symptoms have come because of my little friend named PAIN P.ms A.ttack I.n N.o great timing at all! :( I become a big cry baby so I've had a few episodes....plus I'm all alone now and I discovered two other things I don't have....1)Heating pad 2) Ibuprofen WORST feeling ever. Anyway I think I need a comfort item in my new place like a teddy bear that's medium sized that would fit perfectly with my body so he could be my pillow and cuddle buddy.
Sorry for that random comment ha ha. Anyways, I love this song and I blasted it super loud and did my this is my house and no one is going to judge me while I sing at the top of my lungs or at my hideous dancing! :) Here I'll share....
So anyway I change the words to "at 21 years of age I have found my dream, the wars still waged for my destiny....he's already won the battle and has great plans for meeeaayyyy" and continue on :)
So anyway I change the words to "at 21 years of age I have found my dream, the wars still waged for my destiny....he's already won the battle and has great plans for meeeaayyyy" and continue on :)
Here I sit waiting for this person to txt me back....I LOVE making new friends....I love talking for hours and hours at a time...until it's a boy and he gets the wrong impression....I dislike when friendships become about whether you like me or not and then we can't talk if you don't like me back :( I believe you need to be friends with someone before you get remotely serious on wanting to date...you get to know a person that way and it helps to have a close friend that you can tell anything to....I think it later may lead to strong communication if there is a relationship formed. On to relationships topic....I have a list of things I desire in my husband to be...I have written letters to him and then later ripped them up...I have dreamt about him once and I saw his image but not his face...and I never found out his name :( I do know there was an "E" when I did try and get his name out....
 |
| ~*Who Wouldn't Love This Moment Really*~ |
(No I don't really know if it was a dream about my guy but it was so realistic I couldn't imagine why it couldn't be him) and So with this list I have set aside things I would like to accomplish with my husband....things to discuss...I once made a wedding scrapbook and I know that stuff too....it's weird how girls think of these things and guys don't ha ha....well most don't. I just know that when my love life starts I will so be ready! :) I know I am just steps closer to that time in my life and I cannot wait!
L.O.V.E.
what an awesome thing it is
what a powerful
humorous
growing
nurturing
fragile
shiny
glamorous beautiful thing it is
Awwww I scream just thinking of the thoughts of love and compassion and heart.
The way we'll hold each other, kiss each other, play together,
BE TOGETHER
POWERFUL!
Okay I'm done I got a little lost in the future :)
Lovingly Yours,
ME
Friday, June 3, 2011
SomeWhere Over the RainBow #1625
I have reached what seems to look like the end of a rainbow. I am in my new place on a Friday night, I just finished cleaning the place, which didn't take long at all if I do say so myself.
So now I am about to start my letters to a few certain girls to share to them what I have seen and how much I love'em!
Sitting here in my new place is one that I am embracing right now, as Pastor Bagwell says, this memory is definitely a miracle and this miracle is defnitely one that I have written hardcore down in my brain, it's also in my checkbook with the memo titled #1625.
What is this significant number on the check, my first rent check! Not only the first but, the first of many to clear because God has provided me with this lovely job and apartment and I am in the position to say I am THANKFUL for all I have gone through! From living in an old church prayer room, to a trailer, and so many more places to be thankful for each miraculous memory God has placed in my memory! I also cooked my first meal at my new place, it was a struggle lemme tell ya! It wasn't because I can't cook ;) it was because of all things to forget I neglected to buy a can opener!! CHA tell me about it, I was saddened to say the least and now here's what I ended up using, a flathead screwdriver and hammer....here were the results that got my chili into the pan :) Yep I made those marks with my temporary can opener....is it odd I have all these pink girly tools around my new place and new can opener...I thought so too! Thus I am buying a new can opener so this does not happen again :)
Summer is here and I am ready to make some new memories....I have even decided to start my working out.....it will give me something to do when I am lonely and do not know what to do :) I am way excited about my new adventure....especially if there are more flathead screw driver and hammer moments!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
So now I am about to start my letters to a few certain girls to share to them what I have seen and how much I love'em!
Summer is here and I am ready to make some new memories....I have even decided to start my working out.....it will give me something to do when I am lonely and do not know what to do :) I am way excited about my new adventure....especially if there are more flathead screw driver and hammer moments!
<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)